I Can't Get Myself To Trust You
But, by the time that Qian Lan opened her eyes and realized she was laying alone on the sofa, Mo Zichen had already returned to his room.
Although Qian Lan felt a little disappointed, she did not force Mo Zichen to do something that he didn't want to. She simply got up and returned to her room to get some sleep. After all, she still had to report to the troops tomorrow.
But, to her surprise, Mo Zichen started knocking on her door a moment later. After she opened her door, he said to her, "Come over."
Qian Lan stood in shock for a few seconds before she realized what was happening, "Are you trying to say...You and me..."
"You don't want to?"
Qian Lan quickly shook her head.
After receiving Qian Lan's response, Mo Zichen returned to his room and made space on half his bed.
Qian Lan froze as she lay down beside Mo Zichen. But, the couple had their backs turned to each other and did not say a word. It wasn't until Qian Lan almost fell asleep that Mo Zichen finally said, "Seeing you again after 5 years, I'm not sure how to face you."
"But, I don't want to let go and watch you leave. When I see you, I hate you, but when I don't see you..."
"I miss you..."
"I don't know what I want. Qian Lan, I want to start afresh, but I can't get myself to trust you, do you understand?"
After saying this, Mo Zichen fell silent. He had revealed his innermost thoughts to Qian Lan.
Meanwhile, tears began to fall from Qian Lan's eyes after she heard what he said, "In your heart, I must be a woman that comes and goes as she pleases."
"I know I was the one that broke up with you 5 years ago, but during these 5 years, I haven't lived a single day without feeling regret!"
"I know you must hate me and blame me for what happened, but...during my time in the military, only the thought of you helped me push forward and continue living."
"Zichen, it's OK if you want to blame me, I can wait for you. I'm right by your side now. You can hate me and scold me all you want, I won't leave you ever again."
After saying this, Qian Lan wrapped her arms around Mo Zichen, "I will always be by your side."
Inside the dark room, Mo Zichen opened his eyes slightly, but after sighing, he closed them again and dived back into the endless darkness...
His soul, which had been floating around for a long time, felt like it had finally planted its feet firmly on the ground and he felt stable at last.
Early the next morning, Qian Lan woke up to find that Mo Zichen was already out of bed, but the sun wasn't even up yet and his side of the bed was cold as though he had been up for a long time already.
5 years ago, things were very similar; she remembered how Mo Zichen often returned home at dawn. With this thought, Qian Lan put on her military uniform and headed off to the army base on her own.
The words that Mo Zichen said the previous night may have been painful to hear, but he at least spoke his heart.
Qian Lan never knew that Mo Zichen had such little faith in their relationship.
After arriving at the base, she decided to temporarily forget everything that Mo Zichen said to her. So, her performance during training was more brutal and powerful than usual.
"Is Instructor Qian experiencing menopause? She's training us like we're not human," the newly enlisted soldiers complained to each other.
They had nowhere to vent their suffering.
"Who would want a woman that's so ruthless?"
"I heard she's almost 27 and she still doesn't have a partner."
"Look at that fierce look on her face, who would be brave enough to accept her?"
"What are you guys chattering about? If you have so much energy, then do another 200 pull-ups," Qian Lan growled.
"Sorry, Instructor Qian, we were wrong!"
"No negotiations. Stand up," Qian Lan ordered. "Since you've joined the military, don't expect this to be a comfortable experience. Comfort is left for the dead!"
Perhaps, no one expected that the slender looking Qian Lan was filled with immense power.
As an army officer, it wasn't just her body that had been toughened over time, even her most vulnerable willpower had been strengthened.
Especially when she thought about Mo Zichen, she was able to get through anything!
By the time Qian Lan saw Mo Zichen again, another week had passed.
Qian Lan dragged her exhausted body home to find Mo Zichen sitting on the sofa reading a book.
Perhaps, this was what people meant by living a peaceful life.
"You're back," Mo Zichen said without lifting his head.
Qian Lan's voice was dull and tired.
"Have you eaten? I've cooked some food," Mo Zichen said.
In reality, Qian Lan had already eaten at the base, but when she thought about eating with Mo Zichen, she quickly replied, "Not yet."
"Go get changed and come back out," Mo Zichen said as he put down his book and finally got up from the sofa.
However, Qian Lan noticed that there was something odd about the way that Mo Zichen walked.
"What's wrong with your leg?" Qian Lan immediately asked.
"I accidentally knocked it against something," Mo Zichen replied casually.
Qian Lan looked carefully at his ankle and scanned her eyes up to the bruise on his thigh. How was this simply knocking against something? He was obviously hit by someone.
"Are you going out again tonight?" Qian Lan asked. "5 years ago, you often returned home in the middle of the night. So, I know you went out in the middle of the night last week as well..."
Mo Zichen did not respond.
After speaking, Qian Lan walked into the bedroom and fetched the first aid kit. She then kneeled down in front of him, "I'm really good at treating injuries like this. Sit down."
Mo Zichen looked down and noticed the worried look on Qian Lan's face.
Mo Zichen was a little surprised as he retreated two steps and sat back down on the sofa.
"How many days haven't you left the house?" Qian Lan asked; she noticed the rubbish bins hadn't been emptied for a few days. "Have you not left the house after you got injured?"
Mo Zichen nodded.
"If you want to put on an act, then why let me discover this?" Qian Lan lifted Mo Zichen's leg and noticed all the various injuries he had.
Qian Lan was speechless as she placed her cheek against his leg and began to cry.
"You've had some of these injuries for 10 years, haven't you?"
Mo Zichen did not give an explanation. He simply felt something tug at his heart as it filled with emotions.
"Why do you have so many injuries? Why?"
Finally, Mo Zichen reached out his hand and wiped away the tears on Qian Lan's cheeks, "Weren't you treating my injuries? Why are you crying instead?"
Qian Lan sobbed as she took a deep breath to calm down, "I didn't know that you had so many injuries on your body."
"I'm used to it," Mo Zichen continued to keep his identity a secret.
He had signed a confidentiality agreement and couldn't tell anyone, not even the people closest to him.
"Fine, I won't ask anything. But, from now on, whenever you get hurt, make sure you tell me, OK?" Qian Lan pulled out a bottle of Iodophor to help sterilize Mo Zichen's wounds.
"Are you worried about me?"
"Uh huh," Qian Lan nodded firmly. "Don't you know that I worry about you? This makes my heart ache! I can't breathe looking at these injuries! I feel like I'm suffocating!"